


You threw me into the abyss

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Accidents, Character Death, Delirium, Fights, Jealousy, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 08:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15263187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: When he had realized that the thing between Kei and Hikaru was turning out to be different than the usual closeness on stage or during TV shows, Yabu had lost it.





	You threw me into the abyss

Yabu stared into space.

He had been sitting on the couch for an hour now, doing nothing at all.

He pondered, nothing else.

He thought about Kei, about their apparent distance.

He hoped the younger had understood what he felt, what it meant for him to be together.

He hoped he would've understood that, if he ignored him when they weren’t home, it wasn’t because he didn’t want to be with him, but just because he wanted to protect their relationship.

Because he didn’t want to part from Kei, for nothing in the world. Because he wasn’t going to allow anything to take him away.

And apparently, he had failed.

His boyfriend hadn't been too happy about it.

He kept getting close to him, kept saying too much, having fun making him live in the terror that something could've happened to them.

Obtaining as only result to make his caution become even more drastic, to the point of pushing him away every time he got close.

He didn’t like having to do that. He didn’t like having him so close and being unable to touch him, to talk to him like he would've wanted to, depriving himself of those contacts which would've been natural.

But that hadn't served its purpose either.

From time to time, Yabu hated Kei and his stubbornness.

He had accepted the situation; or, at least, he had pretended he had.

And he had stopped gravitating around him whenever there were cameras, he had stopped saying anything that could've been seen as inappropriate. He had plain stopped talking about him and, unless it was necessary, to him.

He had started doing that with all the others.

One word, one glance, one touch. All with that lewdness he used so good, and that he had just accentuated.

He did that with whomever he pleased, and he didn’t seem to care that every time he got too close to someone that wasn’t him, Yabu felt like he had just been stabbed.

But he had gotten used to that, somehow.

He had accepted the rebellion, nourishing his jealousy in silence, so that he wouldn’t have given him the satisfaction of seeing him cave to the feeling of possession he felt toward him.

Then another phase had come, and Yabu hadn't been able to pretend he didn’t care anymore.

He had stopped making fan service with the Seven.

He had stopped making fan service with Dai-chan.

He had stopped making fan service with Yuya.

Only _he_ was left.

When he had realized that the thing between Kei and Hikaru was turning out to be different than the usual closeness on stage or during TV shows, Yabu had lost it.

He saw his boyfriend get close to the younger in the green rooms, always talking to him, looking at him like he used to look at Kota.

Those eyes promising something more, those Yabu knew all too well, and that all too well he had learnt to fear when they weren’t made at him.

He hadn't mentioned it, still thinking about his own pride, still unable to let him win.

Because he didn’t think it was about rebelling anymore, about getting Yabu’s attention over himself and the discomfort he felt.

There was something more; Yabu felt it, and he couldn’t think about anything else anymore.

He looked at Kei and he saw betrayal in all his gestures, he saw signs of something different in him, signs of the fact that their love was on the edge of the abyss, because his boyfriend was tired of being subjected to his restrictions and he had gone looking elsewhere for what he needed.

Kota couldn’t be close to him anymore without that thought haunting him.

He didn’t sleep at night, he looked at Kei sleeping with his face so relaxed, hating him because he could sleep like that, peaceful, while he couldn’t.

They had sex and he tried to feel he still belonged to him, but it was like he was slipping through his fingers.

He couldn’t take it anymore.

He couldn’t take Kei looking at him as if he had nothing to hide, smug, as if he thought that Yabu, busy with work and the thought that they should've hidden their relationship, hadn't seen a thing.

He hated him, because he loved him too much to let someone else have him, to let him lie to his face like that.

He hated him, because he knew that to feel him with him again, to still be sure they belonged together, he would've done _anything_.

Anything to have Kei’s smiles all to himself again.

Anything to have him close again.

Anything for Yaotome Hikaru to get out of his life, to stop watching him with those eyes full of desire.

Yabu wasn’t going to stand this for much longer.

 

~

 

That morning, Kota felt like going to work even less than usual.

He wished he could’ve stayed home, without been forced to witness the ruins of his relationship.

Kei had woken up cheerful, as usual.

He had moved to his side of the bed, stretching toward him to kiss him on his lips.

Yabu kissed him back, distractedly.

He didn’t like kissing him anymore.

It was like he felt a whole other taste on him; it disgusted him.

It brought to his mind images he didn’t want to see.

Hikaru’s hands on Kei’s body.

Their mouths pressed together.

Hikaru moving inside his boyfriend, making him moan.

With those thoughts in his mind, he had gotten up in a rush, heading to the bathroom and slamming the door behind.

He had punched the wall, pressing his forehead against it, as if the coldness from the tiles could've erased the content of his brain.

He wanted to cry, but he didn’t.

He wouldn’t have known – nor wanted – how to explain those tears. And Kei didn’t deserve them anyway.

He had gone to work with him, despite everything, talking him only if forced to, enough for the other not to notice that there was something wrong.

Now they were sitting in the green room, during a pause from filming.

Yabu sat afar from the others; Inoo was at the opposite corner of the room, all busy talking with Daiki and Hikaru.

The older of the two sat next to Kei.

He watched him.

Those damn eyes were fixated on him.

His hand was down next to Kei’s, and from time to time it twitched, brushing it automatically.

Yabu’s breath got heavier.

He wanted to go there, take Inoo, have him close like right now Hikaru had him.

He wanted to scream he belonged to _him_ and no one else. That no one had the right to take him away from him.

But he couldn’t. Because he had traced his boundaries, and he wasn’t going to cross them.

Because he knew what was the right thing to do.

Because he knew he couldn’t just get mad at Hikaru for the attentions he gave to his boyfriend, because Kei had his part of responsibility for having gone looking for those attentions.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

He felt he couldn’t go on like that.

He was going mad.

Again, he felt like crying. Again, he forced himself not to.

He wasn’t going mad. He was mad already, and nothing was going to distract him from the thought that he was losing Kei now.

And he wasn’t going to allow that to happen.

Because for years Inoo had deluded him into thinking it was going to be forever, that he belonged to him only, and Yabu was one to protect what he owned.

To the death.

 

~

 

He had been watching him for a long time.

It was late, the room was dark, and he heard the rain hit the window, a sound which dug into his mind, giving him a clear perception of time passing by.

Slowly, he got out the room.

He was hoping that without having him under his nose anymore, the fog from his brain would've cleared.

But it was going to serve no purpose anyway, because under that fog there was just Kei’s face, happy next to someone who wasn’t him.

He felt the anger starting to run through his veins until it filled his heart, until it filled his head, until it was the only thing in control of his whole body.

He got outside the apartment, without even taking a jacket.

Just like he was, only a thin shirt to shield him from the rain, he started walking, fast.

He had walked down that street hundreds of times.

He was his best friend.

The sense of betrayal got harsher inside of him.

And the last hope of getting back on his steps slipped away, alongside the rain on his face, hiding those tears which had finally started to fall.

There was no one witnessing them, there was no one around at that time and in the storm, but Yabu was glad all the same.

He wasn’t going to stand the sight of other human beings anyway, not now.

When he arrived in front of Hikaru’s door, he knocked hard.

It took the younger a while before getting there, but Yabu had time; he would've waited the whole night, had it been necessary.

He had nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one waiting for him.

When Hikaru finally opened the door, the look on his face was both confused and concerned.

“Kota! What’s going on, what are you doing here?” he asked, his eyes wide open, stepping aside to let him in.

The elder didn’t bother answering.

He got inside, following the other to the living room, unsteady.

“I’ll grab a towel and some dry clothes, wait.” the younger went on, making as to head to the bathroom, Kota stopping him right away.

“It’s not necessary, Hikaru. I won’t stay long.” he said, and his own voice scared him.

Hoarse, deep, unreal.

As if it belonged to someone else.

And Yabu thought that, perhaps, it was just like that.

It belonged to someone who had been stripped of the only thing carrying him on.

It belonged to someone who had nothing left to lose.

Hikaru looked at him and got close, cautious.

“Yabu, will you tell me what...” he started off, but he shut up as soon as his eyes met the other’s hand.

Kota held a knife.

So hard that his knuckles were white.

“What do you want to do, Yabu?” the younger murmured, backing off.

The other kept staring at him, expressionless.

Now that he was there in front of him, he was disgusted.

He wouldn’t have deserved his time, but he wasn’t going to let him live.

He couldn’t. He didn’t _deserve_ to live.

“It’s your punishment, Hikaru.” he said, his voice way too controlled for the circumstance.

The younger opened his eyes even wider, realizing what Kota’s intentions were.

“Punishment for what? Are you crazy?” he asked, with a hint of indignation that did nothing to hide his fear.

“Punishment for having taken Kei away from me. Punishment because you I can't let you live, Hikaru. Because you deserve to die.” he explained, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Kei? Yabu, what are you talking about? I did nothing of the sort!” he tried to defend himself, still backing off and meeting the wall with his back.

Kota stood in front of him, the knife still tight in his hands.

“Don’t mess with me, Hikaru. It doesn’t change anything.” he seemed to think about it for a moment, then he went on. “Kei was all I had. And you didn’t give a damn. Do you know what there was between us? Do you know how I feel, and how I’ve felt when I’ve seen it all gone? Do you know what you did to me?” he asked, his voice getting louder now. Then he seemed to calm down again; Hikaru stared at him, without the courage to speak. “But there won’t be any problem anymore. Because no one is ever going to touch him again.” he murmured, talking more to himself than to the other.

Hikaru seemed to momentarily forget about the knife, and leant toward him.

“What does that mean?” he asked, his voice barely audible. “Yabu, what’s happened?”

The elder looked surprised, as if he wasn’t expecting that question.

What had happened?

 

_Kota got close to the bed._

_He looked at Kei._

_He looked so good when he slept. He looked so peaceful, so... innocent._

_He clenched his teeth thinking he wasn’t. Thinking he was filthy, thinking about what he had done to him._

_He brushed his fingertip on his forehead, going down to his cheekbone, and then he leant down to press a kiss on his lips._

_By then the younger had woken up, groaning._

_“Ko? What are you doing?” he asked, looking at him through his eyelids._

_Yabu bit his lip._

_“I love you, Kei.” he murmured. His hand went down his cheek, following his neck’s outline and stopping on his throat._

_Then he tightened the hold._

_Kei’s eyes went wide while Kota pressed down, hovering._

_He held, held, held, and didn’t even feel the younger’s attempts at a rebellion, getting weaker for the lack of breathing._

_Then he stopped moving altogether, and Yabu pulled away as if Kei’s skin was burning._

_He looked at him again, fascinated._

_He was clean again. He was never going to give himself to someone else, not anymore._

_Now Yabu could say he belonged to him, because death was the last seal. Because it was going to bind them._

_Forever._

“If I had let him leave, someone else would've come, Hikaru. You can't understand, I couldn’t allow for something like that to happen. He’s mine, he’s only _mine_.” he said, confusedly, then he leant toward the younger, less confident than before.

Hikaru’s horror did nothing but add up to his anger.

“You’re crazy, Yabu. Do you realize what you’ve done? Kei and I...” he started to say, panicking. The elder didn’t let him go on.

“You and Kei nothing! Don’t you dare speak about the two of you, you have no right!” he yelled, getting even closer.

He was mere inches from him, when he got distracted by a sudden movement from Hikaru.

He didn’t have time to focus on it though, because he felt a sharp pain to his head.

He fell on the ground, losing grip on the knife.

Confused, he looked at the younger.

In his hands, a lamp that had been on the coffee table, its edge stained in blood.

Their reflexes worked at the same pace, and they both launched toward the knife.

Yabu managed to grab the handle, while Hikaru’s hand got on top of his, trying to loosen his hold.

Kota fell back on the floor, dragging the other along.

Their hands kept fighting for the weapon, while their wrists twisted to the point it hurt.

They both opened their eyes wide when they heard the sharp noise of the blade piercing the flesh.

Hikaru moved off of Yabu, rolling beside him without tearing his eyes away.

“I've never even touched Kei.” he hissed.

Yabu didn’t know why, but he believed him now.

The horror laid like a mask on his face, while he felt his eyes closing, as if that realization had made him feel too tired to keep them open.

There was nothing between Hikaru and Kei.

It had all been in his head.

He laughed, hysterical, coughing while he felt the blood invade his throat and his mouth.

He felt clearly the blade against his ribcage, inside his body, every single inch of it, but it was like he couldn’t feel any pain.

The only thing he could think about now was Kei’s body, the fact that right now it was in their bed, cold.

And the thought that he was about to join him made him feel better.

The thought that he wasn’t allowed to live in this world, if Kei wasn’t there.

That fate and death had enchained them and their names.

Finally, he closed his eyes.

Now his mind could find rest.

 


End file.
